I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
