dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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