She is in my trunk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
