And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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