You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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