If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone came in the potted fern
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
there is glitter all over my balls
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
