Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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