I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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