Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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