I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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