I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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