im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
