I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
