She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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