he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
