I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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