Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
