hell yes lets make some ravioli
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
