Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The uberlube is also flammable
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
