He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
