hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone signed my nipple.
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