my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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