I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
