Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
