she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am one with the molecules
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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