better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
