I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to make out with him forever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
