There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
