Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
