I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
