the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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