I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
