oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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