I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
