So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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