So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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