haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
