Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
