I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
