I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
