I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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