After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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