There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
