Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
