We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
