And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
