How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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