Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
