The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
