she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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