seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
