Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
