i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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