so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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