You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
