Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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