I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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