What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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