ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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