sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
