There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
