Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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