I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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