like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
