Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
