Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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