the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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