hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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