At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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