You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
