I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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