never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
