You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
