Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
