wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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