I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
