Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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