she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
