Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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