I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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