i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
