My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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