I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
