i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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