my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
