Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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